One of my greatest anxieties in writing my book was that I’d be a magnet for what I think of as the Gotcha-Squad of Wine Weenies. Who are wine weenies? They’re those baseball-stat-nerd-like people intent on making wine as confusing and elite as possible, because it makes them feel good. They started coming out of the woodwork today in response to my Star Tribune article.
So I feel I should just get this out on the table: Look Wine Weenies, you and I are not going to be friends. You want to be right, and I want to help the people you went to high school with have less stress in their lives when they bring wine to your house. The battle is on!
The particular salvo launched my way tonight was about Wikipedia (tech nerd + wine nerd = aaaahhh! Or the mirror…) and whether you can learn about wine from it. I say no. In my interview with Bill Ward I mentioned that you could read about Champagne on Wikipedia and come away knowing less than you did before you showed up there. I wish I had said that a little more clearly, I should have said not ‘knowing less’ but ‘unhelped and fearful’ — do wine people even know what a series of Wine encyclopaedia entries look like to regular people? They look intimidating, confusing, and like unreadable jargon.
People new to wine need to know a few basic things about Champagne: What it is, why it’s like that, and whether they like the taste of it in their mouth.
So, what is Champagne? It’s sparkling wine that’s made of Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Meunier grapes grown in a cold part of France where the grapes never get very ripe and sweet. Because they never got ripe and sweet, local winemakers developed a way of adding actual sugar and more yeast to the wines in the bottle, which evened out the alcohol and had the added benefit of creating phenomenal flavors. There are a few different types of French Champagne you’ll typically run in to: Grower Champagne (made by a single estate, this will hopefully be unique and express something about the place they’re grown), vintage Champagne (made in a very good year, these tend to be the most expensive), non-vintage Champagne (made by blending off years together, this tends to be what you’ll mostly see). You’ll sometimes see Champagne called blanc de blancs, this is made only with white grapes, Chardonnay, it will be a little toastier than most, and blanc de noirs, made only with the other two, it will be a little more flowery than most. Try one of each of these styles over the next year and you will know what you like!
That, in case you were wondering, is 195 words about Champagne. That’s all you need to know until you put some in your mouth and taste it. On the main Wikipedia page the word Chardonnay doesn’t appear until, by my count and as of today, word 2,744! Word 2,744? Are you kidding me? Are you aware that people have jobs, and kids, and lives? Dishwashers to load? Health care benefit help-lines to battle?
Trying to learn about wine on Wikipedia is like asking a friend if they could give you a ride to the grocery store, and in reply that person hands you the manual to their Saab and drives away.
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